The Deadly Friendship Quiz

Do you have a friend or family member that brings more angst and less and less joy to your life these days but you can’t figure out why?

Have other people noticed how you’ve changed (for the worse) when you’re around this person?

If you believe you are in a toxic relationship, this quiz is for you.

INSTRUCTIONS: Take this 10-question quiz with ONE particular friend or family member in mind. While you may have not faced some of these situations, try to imagine how your person would respond, based on past experience.

After you’re done, we’ll let you know which one of the seven toxic relationships you have, and help you discover a pathway toward relational health.

NOTE: If a scenario does not match how your friend or family member would respond, please select the "none of the above" option.

1. Everything’s fine in your relationship as long as you agree with their opinions or do what they want. But the moment you disagree or push back, this happens:

They pretend you didn’t disagree.

They walk away.

All the gossip they shared about others shifts. Now YOU are the recipient of their accusations and demeaning words.

They leave the friendship if you don’t fund their business or buy their product. Instead, they find several others who can financially benefit them.

They abandon you for “better” friends who applaud their opinions and choices.

They say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

They take your disagreement personally, then write about it in veiled terms on Facebook to garner sympathy for their side of the story.

None of the above.

2. Healthy friends say this about your friend or family member:

“Stay away. They’re really into themselves, and don’t seem to care about you, only what you can do for them.”

“They’re a fair weather friend. They’ll dump you when you have needs that don’t fit into their schedule.”

“Run, run, run. This person leaves a wake of destruction behind them.”

“Ever notice how your friend keeps moving from job to job, city to city? If I were you, I’d double check any story they’ve told you.”

“I don’t like that you become the worse version of yourself when you hang out with them.”

“They’re a chameleon, changing to fit whoever they hang out with.”

“You’ll be sucked into drama if you stay in that relationship.”

None of the above.

3. When you leave this person’s presence, you feel:

Conflicted. Though you’re flattered they chose you, you feel small, unimportant around them. Yet so many people seem to praise them that you think maybe you’re just overthinking it.

Tired. You’ve done most of the giving in the relationship, and the one time you asked for something, they didn’t listen or help.

Broken. Nearly every interaction involves them telling you about how wrong, messed up, or stupid you are. You’re starting to believe your friend is perfect and you’re terribly flawed.

Used. The only time your friend feigns friendship is when they can gain something from you. They only like you when you buy from them or help them in their business endeavors.

Guilty. Whenever you’re around this friend, you are enticed to let go of your own moral compass to blend in with theirs—which shifts constantly.

Confused. You aren’t entirely sure who this friend is because they are a different person in different situations.

Weary. Everything’s about this person’s unrelenting drama, and you exist to validate it and listen endlessly about it. Your ears hurt.

None of the above.

4. Your friend is caught in a lie. They reply:

“I never said that. Why would I say that?”

“I don’t remember saying that.”

“Who said I said that? Because they’re idiots!”

“So what if I did say that?”

“Come on, I know you don’t believe I’d say that. Trust me.”

“It was taken out of context.”

Histrionic: “WHAT IN THE WORLD? YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!”

None of the above.

5. You and this person have differing political or theological views. After a disagreement, you feel:

Confused. Though you articulated your case, this person tried to convince you that theirs was the only logical opinion to hold. When you pushed against their view, they mocked you.

Fine. You had a fairly civil conversation where you came to a consensus, only to find out later that they made fun of your views with someone else.

Wrecked. They verbally assaulted you, got in your face, and wagged their finger at you. In the end you complied with their opinion just to keep the peace.

Slimed. Their arguments were so slick, they sounded like a PR statement. In the aftermath, you feel used, like they were plying you for information to use later.

Persuaded. Though you used to be convinced of your view, now you’re not so sure, but deep down you know the other view doesn’t reflect your values.

Heard (initially). Weirdly, they suddenly took your side. But five days later, you see them supporting their original belief strongly on Twitter.

Tired. You couldn’t get a word in because they went on and on about their view, how it’s the only justifiable view. Everyone should always believe this way.

None of the above.

6. If your friend posted this on Facebook, you would not be surprised:

So glad to win this honor the fifth time in a row! Just goes to show that hard work and grit mean something in this world.

Guess what? It’s true that God helps those who help themselves. He knows the plans He has for you. And He works everything for the good.

NAME OF PERSON THEY DON’T AGREE WITH is a reprobate. Anyone who agrees with NAME is also one of them.

I only need three more people to sign up for NAME OF PRODUCT this week so I can get to the next level.

No post, just a picture of your friend amidst a group of very happy, drunken friends.

Their profile picture, highly photoshopped, de-aging them 15 years.

Seven paragraphs about an injustice, full of ranting and ire, detailing why they are the victim of an injustice (or that shows them as the hero of the diatribe).

None of the above.

7. You win an award, and it’s plastered all over social media. Your friend responds this way:

“That’s good for you, but let me tell you about the time I became president of my association, won the top sales award, etc.”

“I’ll totally share that with everyone!” (Then doesn’t share it with anyone.)

“That award is nothing. You’ll be found out eventually for the fraud that you are. We both know you’re an imposter.”

“If I were you, I’d leverage this win to increase your exposure and income.”

“Now that you’re big time, let’s blow your winnings on a trip to Vegas!”

“I’m so happy for you.” (But you can tell by the tone, they are not.)

“Congratulations! But just remember to cherish this moment because the joy won’t last. The next shoe will drop. It always does.”

None of the above.

8. Your friend or family member has done something really awful, and you need to confront them about it. So, with trepidation, you do. Their response is:

“It’s you who has the issue, not me. Take the log out of your own eye,” followed by a list of people who can back them up on how amazing they are.

“I’ll do better. Thanks for letting me know.” But it’s as if they didn’t even hear your words. They continue to blatantly do the same egregious behavior.

“You’re an idiot, and you’re trying to make me admit something I never did. Why don’t I spare you the embarrassment of continuing down this line of disrespectful questioning?”

Smiles, says nothing, then ends your relationship. They continue to offend, but toward another person who hasn’t yet realized that this person often moves from friend to friend.

“I agree with you. I’m a mess. Let’s agree together over a few bottles of wine.”

“Don’t you dare tell anyone else about this. I’ll be so embarrassed!”

“I only do this because So-and-So ruined my life. Besides, how could you ever say this to me? I thought you were my best friend. Best friends don’t say stuff like this.”

None of the above.

9. You’re moving across town, so you ask this person for help. They respond:

“You know, when I moved last, I did it alone. My landlord praised me for hauling my mattress up three flights of stairs. Also, I have an important meeting at that time.”

“Sure, when?” [But when the time comes, your friend doesn’t show up.]

“Why do you always ask me for help? Don’t you have any other friends who are willing to assist? Let me guess, I’m the only one. Figures.”

“Sure, but my fee is $25 an hour.”

“I know a guy who works for a moving company, and when someone’s house doesn’t fill up the truck, he sublets space for a small fee. Want me to call him?”

“I’d love to, but I’m creating an online portal for my new social media presence—and my Facebook live happens the same time you’re moving.”

“I might be able to, but the last time I helped someone move, a criminal stole my wallet, then impersonated me, took my identity, then sabotaged my life.”

None of the above.

10. You break down crying because of a difficult situation at work. This person:

Doesn’t listen to your story; instead they tell you about their day at work, how everyone seems to be out to get them, and you should be grateful you’re not in that situation.

Tells you they’ll meet for coffee to talk at 7:00, but doesn’t show up until 7:45, and doesn’t apologize or text you they’ll be late.

Sides with the other people at work, letting you know that you most likely brought on the conflict yourself.

Offers to sell you the perfect essential oil to combat your sadness.

Tells you that you deserve to party like it’s 1999, then plies you with mixed drinks.

Says, “Oh that’s too bad,” but their voice betrays them. You get the idea that they would rather only talk to you when you’re happy.

Interrupts you before you finish your tale of woe by sharing their own elaborately-awful story that trumps any other human being’s sad story.

None of the above.

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